However, psychology also offers practical, evidence-based strategies to quit the procrastination cycle and retrain your brain’s responses. Here are four effective solutions:

• Reframe your tasks and rewards. Temporal motivation theory shows that increasing the perceived value of future outcomes (visualizing success) helps counter the pull of immediate gratification. So dream big about how you will feel once you get the task done.

• Build self-control muscles by adding up micro wins. Self-regulation is strengthened through counting up the little daily wins (water vs soda, taking the stairs vs elevator) which enhances choosing over time that ends up breaking up impulsive avoidance patterns.

• Use “take action now” triggers. Techniques like Mel Robbins’ “5-Second Rule” push you into action before procrastinatory thoughts take over, engaging the brain’s decision-making systems. If it cones to mind you need to do sobering, just count town from five to leap into a form of action.

• Get more specific on deadlines. Clarity reduces ambiguity (a procrastination trigger) and creates accountability. So instead of vaguely stating you’ll get that thing done this week, write down the day and timeframe that best works with your productivity pattern.

By understanding procrastination not just as a habit but as a behavior with psychological roots like addiction, you can reclaim agency and build lasting productivity habits — one small action at a time.

• Build a wind-down ritual. Turn off bright screens at least 30 minutes before bed. Dim the lights, grab a book, stretch out on the bed. See if you can extend it to an hour.

• Reflect on today with positive intention. What are three wins from your day (small or big)? The brain has a tendency to focus on what went wrong or what’s called a negative bias; as neuroscientist Rick Hansen says, bad thoughts stick like Velcro while good thoughts slide off like Teflon.

• Plan three wins for tomorrow. Now pay attention to the story you are telling yourself about these successes. Excitement and anxiety are rooted in the same energy — the difference between the two has to do with what you are telling yourself. Can you be absolutely certain you are nervous about what’s next? Is there a chance you could also be bit curious? Feel into the possibility different perspectives exist.

• Do the cognitive shuffle. If you lie awake at night with a busy mind, this new sleep strategy recently spotlighted in New York Times article creates a mental diversion technique that helps quiet racing thoughts. The hack is simple: pick a letter of the alphabet, then let your mind generate associated words or images for each letter. The randomness engages your attention just enough to distract the internal rumination loops that keep you awake.

The end of your day can be setting the stage for tomorrow, but in a way that quiets your mind, reflects on progress, and prepares body and brain for recovery and growth.

Together, these small shifts can transform your nights into restful recovery and your days into productive, Gain-oriented living.

Your brain is designed to protect you. When it senses discomfort—breathlessness, muscle burn, uncertainty—it flips into “fight-flight.” So in a workout, this sounds like: “Stop. This is too much.” It’s simply a survival mechanism, not a signal of danger. Here’s how to take the mental pain associated with getting through the discomfort:

• Slow it down because it’s actually a method. Slow training—also known as time-under-tension—intentionally increases that challenging moment when muscles shake and the mind protests. Instead of rushing through reps to escape discomfort, slowing down builds strength in both body and mind.

• Notice the signals, not the stories. When discomfort arises, observe the physical sensation—burning muscles, fast heartbeat—without labeling it as bad or impossible. This interrupts the brain’s fear-based narrative.

• Breathe through the challenge. Use a steady inhale and extended exhale during exercises, especially during slow lifting. Breath tells your nervous system: We’re safe; keep going.

• Reframe discomfort as evidence of growth. Instead of “I can’t,” think “This means I’m getting stronger.” Your mindset becomes part of the workout.

• Set tiny, immediate goals. One more breath, one more rep. Confidence builds through micro-wins, not massive leaps.

Motivation may not show up every day—but you can. When you stay present with discomfort rather than avoiding it, you train the mind and body to rise above fear. That’s where real strength is built.

• Pause and label the story. When you notice a narrative running—“I’ don’t have time” or “I don’t know how to do this” don’t argue or agree with it. Label what it is — story — to interrupt the cycle and creates just enough distance for you to breathe again.

• Come back to the body. Drop awareness to your breath, your feet on the floor, your hands resting. The next decision lives in the present moment; rumination lives in the past and future. Returning to the body invites emptiness—a mind not cluttered by fear, the most charlatan emotion we have.

• Choose one true action. From this clearer space, ask gently: “What is one small, real step I can take next?” Not the whole plan. Action taken from emptiness carries no self-judgment; it simply moves.

• Now release the outcome. Take the step, then let it go. When the mind is empty of grasping—of needing things to turn out a certain way—momentum becomes easier. Progress grows from consistency, not from pressure.

In Buddhism, an empty mind is a liberated mind. And a liberated mind moves naturally, lightly, and with increasing trust.

• Stage One: Unconscious Incompetence — Start by Noticing. At this stage, you may not fully recognize how movement affects your mood, energy, or long-term health. What you can do today: Pay attention and notice when you feel stiff, tired, stressed, or even if you haven’t stood up in the last hour. Awareness is the first step.

• Stage Two: Conscious Incompetence — Allow Yourself to Be a Beginner. You now understand exercise matters, but it feels uncomfortable or inconsistent. This is the most fragile stage—where most people quit. What you can do today: Choose the smallest possible action: a 5-minute walk, two stretches, one strength move. Tiny steps reduce overwhelm and build confidence. make struggle a learning tool.

• Stage Three: Conscious Competence — Build a Simple System. Exercise takes effort and planning. The result forms a feeling of consistency. What you can do today: Pick a time of day for movement and protect it. Lay out clothes, schedule your workout, or pair it with something you already do.

• Stage Four: Unconscious Competence — Reinforce the Identity. Movement now feels more natural and you negotiate less with yourself—you simply start doing it more than you did before. What you can do today: Keep it easy. Maintain the routines you’ve built and adjust as needed to stay energized and engaged.

Understanding these stages makes the path to becoming a regular exerciser feel more human—and more doable. There is no shortcut to mastery. You just take the next step from where you are today.

We all chase the better version of ourselves — more balance, more money, more peace — yet somehow still feel behind.

In The Gap and the Gain, strategic coach Dan Sullivan says the problem isn’t ambition. It’s how we measure. And if we do it through comparison, we live in the gap. Yet only the gain yields confidence and joy. Let’s break it down:

1. Start with “The Before Picture.” Think back to where you were a few years ago — mentally, emotionally, or professionally. What habits have you built? What setbacks have you overcome? Success isn’t found in the ideal future — it’s visible in your growth.

2. Redefine “Winning.” Trade perfection for progress. Instead of asking, Did I nail it? ask, Did I show up today? Progress is built through consistency, not perfection.

3. End Each Day with “Three Wins.” Sullivan suggests ending each day by naming three things that went right — no matter how small. A walk. A boundary. A laugh. Recording these gains trains your brain to notice forward motion.

4. Teach Others to Measure Backward. Teams, families, and classrooms thrive when they celebrate growth instead of gaps. Try a “what went right” check-in at the end of the week. Progress becomes visible — and contagious.

5. Use Ideals as Direction, Not Judgment. Ideals are like the horizon — meant to guide you, not define you. Let goals inspire you, then look back to appreciate the distance you’ve traveled.

Living in “the gain” doesn’t mean lowering your standards — it means finally feeling your progress.

We are a bunch of atoms smushed together on a rock circling around a very hot light. Really, the only roadmap we have is an internal one that can only be accessed through expanded consciousness or awareness. How to make a small shift NOW:

• Perform three physiological sighs in a row. Navy SEALS are trained on this particular exhale as it is a scientifically proven to keep the body focused during life-threatening missions by releasing CO2 toxins. Repeat as needed until you feel the brain release its grip.

• Hear + feel the vibration of VOO. This is a Peter A. Levine recommendation, psychologist who coined the term Somatic Experiencing. On that exhale, make a long “VOO” sound. Like smell or taste, sound sensation pulls the brain away from rumination. It draws attention to your throat or the fifth Chakra where we communicate not just words but tone.

• Stretch the bottoms of your feet and hands. Fascia covers muscles, organs, and just about everything else in our body, a superhighway of connectivity tissue as smart as mushrooms. The numerous bones, joints and muscles in these digits awaken and it grounds us back into our body.

• Visualize a horizontal line with the word FEAR written on it. Simple: Are you currently above or below the line? Anxiety, anger, impatience, doubt, and blame are just symptoms of a root cause — fear. Yet above line are useful pre-frontal cortex words like curiosity, creativity, courage, centeredness — words that redirect the challenge. These kinds of visuals can help regulate the nervous system which is always at work scanning for your safety.

• Befriend rather than change. When we can really listen, we can tap into our innate wisdom. What is true isn’t always easy. Yet in small doses of observation where our thoughts and emotions are allowed to be exactly as they are without trying to change or improve them, we come into acceptance which is what actually ceases suffering.

• B: Begin peacefully. Check your nervous system by imaging a horizontally drawn line: Are you feeling under the line or above it? The line is divided by the word fear; below your not-so-awesome roles that we play such as a victim, villain, or martyr, and above is our inner coach, creator and (positive) challenger. Who are you connecting with in the moment?

• R: Relate to the person. Whether the tantrum you are witnessing is coming from a 5- or 55-year old, we have been their as well. My negative emotions are totally unflattering and beneath me, but my best self slips out from me on the regular. I do feel a lot calmer when someone can understand rather than react to my messy self, so we need to work on extending the same empathy to others and lean into the discomfort.

• I: Interview to collect objective data. Remove yourself further from the onset of your own emotional reactivity by acting as a fascinated anthropologist to the behaviors or information at hand. Use the who, when, where, and what questions.

• E: Echo what you are hearing. The younger or more emotionally unrest person, the more they will contort what you are saying. Do this part so the other person feels validated which lessens the electric serge their nervous system is experiencing.

• F: Finally, give some feedback. I’m attempting (and I stress attempting) to keep my delivers down to just EIGHT words. This can be possible if you stick to focusing on the current situation and not look at it as an opportunity to tie in too many examples at once. Keep communication brief — now that’s a new record because I made my point not in eight but just three words.

There is a name for women when the body starts speaking louder than the brain: menopause. It’s not the learning so much of this new era that’s confusing but the doing of the learning and the “stuck points.” Here’s where to put your focus to keep Movement in Menopause simple:

• Take ten if you can’t get thirty (or forty, fifty, or sixty minutes). The secret sauce to a movement practice is building it through small, frequent and consistent actions. Placing focus on optimal conditions such as a gym and hour-long time bracket limits your chances and sinks your mojo. A garage workout or lunchtime walk (both with jeans on) beats a ‘not good enough’ mindset any day.

• POWER: Strength training means you work with resistance. Free weights, body weight, chairs and resistance bands are some of the easiest, cheapest, and most accessible resistance tools available. Start with resistance training two times a week (see above for any time constraints). Stick to functional movements like squats, planks, and lunges — just throw some adjectives in front of those words to keep it interesting and viable (like “side” lunge or “sumo” squats or “forearm” planks). Single-leg strength moves help with balance, but be reasonable about your expectations: try standing on one foot and toe-tap or do the Morse Code with the other foot instead of putting a bunch of pressure on yourself that you should be balancing with ease.

• ENERGY: Get the heart rate up in intervals. Some of us hate moving fast, but it’s important for heart health. So take it in intervals on stationary bikes or in pools (tuck jumping in the shallow end or traditional lap-swim in deep). I like this HIIT (high intensity interval training) format: go fast for :20-seconds then rest for :10, and times the whole process by 8. This cranks out 4-minutes of work before you take break and hit repeat (see above for time constraints).

• FLOW: Muscles need “length training” to develop. You might know this as stretching and yoga, but there are stigmas attached to these words so let’s reinvent it. Stretching doesn't always mean holding a pose — it also means dynamic movement (hold for just 3-4 seconds and repeat) and foam rolling. Muscles must experience both push-and-pull apart actions at optimal ranges with our joints for the fibers to properly tear and repair.

• GROUND: Make a breathing practice a non-negotiable. For five minutes a day at minimum, find a spot where you won’t be disturbed and allow yourself to observe what you’re feeling — and not thinking. The body stores all of it, including discomfort in the form of trained fear (impatience, anxiety) and pain (avoidance, self-hate). It’s pretty overwhelming at first, but as you learn to lean into it you heal from emotional sicknesses. You are stretching the space between the stimuli (the things that trigger you) and your trained response (how your brain plays boss and gaslights your other highly intelligent bodily sensors and abilities).

• Pick a useful cognitive or coaching tool to get out of your brain’s way. I’m a big fan right now of Bryon Katie’s “The Work” where she challenges a painful belief (“I can’t exercise today because I … ”) with four questions: 1) Is it true? 2) Can you absolutely know without a doubt it is true? 3) How do you react when you believe this thought? 4) Who would you be without this thought?

• Work up to 150-minutes of movement a week. I saved this bomb for last, and it’s a recommendation from National Academy of Sports Medicine that also gives sound advice on protein or nutrition in menopause. Sound impossible or not sure what to do? Keep focusing on the top six bullets and you’ll create a sustainable system.

When younger, your body is simply more resilient to the demands you place on it from hang-overs to a 12-hour work day. And then slowly (or suddenly) the machinery starts to show signs of wear-and-tear whether you feel you can afford it or not. This is when the rest of you — meaning everything below the brain — catches up. How to put the body first:

• Figure out what your top two core values are. I believe in creativity, focus, family and joy, but what two words build a foundation for the rest to exist? Once you get those figured out, what behaviors either expand or erode these two core values? I love the One Core Value cards and use them in my coaching practice; no matter the age or health goal, they never fail as a starting point.

• Learn everything you can about your Autonomic Nervous System (ANS). Your vagal nerve is attached to so much of you, picking up every single piece of data and sending it upwards. It’s time to be aware it’s shaped your entire life and how to use it to slow down the fight, flight, freeze or fawn reactions. Sarah Baldwin’s You Make Sense podcast offers a supportive approach to this. Get turned onto somatic practices which include mediation, breathing, and creativity.

• Get the basics of exercise down. Women in the Wisdom 55+ category need to do resistance (weight) training at minimum two times a week (recommended by NASM we get a total of 150-minutes of exercise a week so add in some cardio and stretching). Bands, free weights, body weight, machines, medicine balls — anything that feels heavy to preserve muscle, help with cardio health, and improve bone density.

• Your gut is your new brain. Roughly 80% of your serotonin (good mood hormones) are stored in your stomach due as it has a direct line of communication to the brain. Check out what local (Marin-Sonoma) menopause expert Jen Agnew has to say about food, sleep and body positivity — I will be a guest speaker at her 10-week Blue Zones workshop next Wednesday, October 1 from 5:30-6:30pm speaking more about fitness in midlife with free tickets found here.

And I handle this kind of stuff for a living as a youth group facilitator for young girls. However, those kids aren’t my kid; and as we know people closest to us (inject the word partner or mother or faceless humankind instead of child here if it helps) touch something very sensitive deep inside us — our pain. Our fears. Basically all our exiled emotions or experiences that we have stuffed down because rejection, sadness, shame and insecurity hurt.

Say hello to the psychology term Projection Indentification, developed by Carl Jungan follower Melanie Klein. It simply means when you don’t like the feelings you are having, you unconsciously push them on to someone else which causes the other person to take on them on as if they were their own. And we do it All. The. Time. At least I do, as smart as I think I am, so maybe the post really is for me. Here’s five ways to re-think this:

1. Get grounded into your body. You must feel the present moment before your nervous system takes you backwards at the speed of light to where you first started reacting in this undesirable way. So feel your feet, breath or both to stay the current reality even if it is uncomfortable.

2. You don’t have to accept the conflict invitation. This gem is from the litigation attorney Jefferson Fisher who has a great 5-minute video here on Substack called “The Right Way to Speak When Emotions Run High.” This guy is the master at side-stepping difficult situations.

3. Hang onto a simple thought. Protect your peace. Feelings aren’t facts. Their storm, not mine. Sometimes the mantra feels like its at the end of a very long rope and you’re in a hole waiting to be pulled out by it, but don’t let go — if you prepared the statement ahead of time and loved it when regulated, believe it still works under strain.

4. If you do it okay 30% of the time, you pass. Dan Siegel, author of The Whole-Brain Child lets us know if we screw it up 70 percent of the time, ours kids are still going to be adjusted enough; I’ll extend this grade to anyone trying to do their best, kids or not kids. Focus on attuning to the situation and not controlling it.

5. Make sure to mirror positive feelings. Slow down enough to bask in someone’s joy, contentment, or quietness when it’s reflected. It’s said horses and dogs have such an effect on humans because they can help regulate emotional calmness.

I first came across the -ishness with Oliver Burkeman, author of Meditation For Mortals that I discussed in a previous post here (Burkeman is the master of looking at worn-out issues like time, procrastination, and information in a new light). For example, he states when it comes to forming a new habit, hold yourself accountable to it on a weekly-ish basis. Here’s more ways to use:

• If fearless is a tall order, try being fearlessness-ish. Jennifer Pastiloff invented this one, author of Proof of Life. It’s helpful when it comes to breaking out of old patterns or attempting something foreign and downright frightful such foraging a new career or leaving a relationship.

• Practice being new-ish at creating art. While you might not be exactly new but are certainly no pro (who really is), the act of being creative means errors or time lost is part of the process so be softer on yourself.

• Meditate on a daily-ish basis. The funny thing about meditation is so many somatic actions fall under the definition: taking noticeable breaths, listening to soothing music, sitting still in the outdoors, or just observing the mind attempt to be quiet-ish for a few minutes.

• Be worry-ish as opposed to a worry-er. Worry is your mind trying to nail down as many possible ways the current situation you are in can go wrong and how you might possible escape these scenerios. It’s exhausting, irrational and foolish, but yet another difficult habit; we can turn down the noice however by putting on the -ish brakes.

But my most recent find from writer/yoga instructor Jennifer Pastiloff feels like it might trump them all: How can you be of service?

There is nothing selfish about that question. It reeks of immediate action. It carries with it an urgency or expiration date as if others need for you in this very moment to bring forth your great works and to just get over the fact (or, to be exact, to get over your Inner Asshole as Pastiloff has dubbed our most judgmental voice) that yes, you might look or feel self-centered, ignorant, unworthy, or some other brand of unpopular opinion in the process.

I need more of this to get over that. Maybe you do, too, this very morning, so here’s how to properly use the question How Can You Be of Service?

• Use it to get over Imposter Syndrome. There are people waiting for you to make peace with your shortcomings so just do the thing. You can worry later if it was good enough or how to make it better later, but you’ll never be treated of such luxuries if you don’t get over yourself even just a little.

• It can shrink time management issues. Sometimes I believe myself when I say I don’t have enough of this resource as in oh, I only have fifteen minutes to write — what could I seriously accomplish in that smidgeon of time? But when I think of myself of using whatever fragments I can grab to create words that could string impact to someone somewhere, I tend to sit down and type.

• You aren’t being too much if you’re being in service. It’s quite possible others can get over my dog fur-covered legging shorts (or even the fact at 54 years of age I frequently wear them) or that I might post too many pictures on food on my IG (and that I will shamelessly post a link to my account here). My intent is I love helping people move their bodies and supporting local foods systems. And if I don’t question myself, maybe you won’t too.

• Kill analysis paralysis and general confusion with it. I am the queen of re-arranging the bookshelf in order to postpone real work getting done. I can write with clarity where I want to be in ten years, but sometimes it’s the next ten minutes that holds me back when I’m forced to do try that scary or unknown thing. But if I can believe the world — at least some of you in it — find amusement or kindredness in my stories, well, then things like this column get published.

The shame is evident the second the statement leaves their lips. To hell with not exercising regularly or eating healthy — there is just something more dire about this particular word that makes people simply loath themselves.

This won’t do. Meaning this mindset won’t do. When interviewed by the Smartless Podcast crew, NBA legend Stephen Curry said his word for keeping poise under the most grueling and intense of games was balance. Here are some simple, everyday techniques that matter so you can improve your balance today:

Practice balance in daily life. Do you wash dishes, brush your teeth, or pour yourself a cup of coffee? These are all missed opportunities or functional movements that will in all honestly make the most difference in your balance practice. It follows the philosophy of the Feldenkrais Method, one of the most thorough movement therapy programs focused on increasing body awareness in daily activities.

Stop with the insults. If you tell yourself you are bad at something, regardless of your current skills, you slow and/or undo any progress. Check in on the inner chatter. If you have developed a voice used to putting yourself down for not being able to stand on one foot for very long, much of your focus will need to be first be on instructing this voice to move aside.

Please breathe (start with an exhale). We are a society that likens breathing loudly to farting in public — we think it’s horrifying. Don’t make an issue about receiving life force when balancing. Release the CO2 (exhale) which makes room for oxygen (now inhale). It’s your biggest gift, and it calms the muscular-skeletal and nervous system which helps be calmer and more centered with balance.

Stare into space. Developing better physical balance requires developing a better mindset, a key aspect impatiently skipped over by most. I repeat: You cannot improve your balance if you are not willing to integrate all aspects of what’s required. Staring into space is called drishti in yoga, and it involves maintaining a focused gaze on a fixed point as you stand on one leg.

Use safe and everyday tools to assist. As long as you are not gripping a chair or vanity table for dear life, go ahead and use sturdy objects around you to help maintain corrective form when balancing. It’s not cheating unless you’re the one not doing the work.

Comparison won’t help. Just yesterday one of my clients mentioned the “performance anxiety” associated with balancing in front of others. What you might need to correct most in the beginning is not so much where you are placing your foot but rather where you are placing your mind. This goes back to realizing improving your balance is directly tied into expanding your self-awareness.

Not doing anything is the deadliest choice. So you let your balance go to shit — what’s done is done. Eastern Indian doctor Atul Gawande in his book Being Mortal basically found older adults who didn’t do any exercise at all (even daily walking) were ten times more likely to never fully recover from a broken hip after a bad fall. So what will keep you out of this statistic? Re-read the first technique. And the next one.

It wasn’t until I saw how Sarah Baldwin, a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner trained in polyvagal theory, organized the order of operations in self-growth to achieve consistent progress that I realized it might be best for someone like myself to work my psyche and soul like a math problem. Here’s how Baldwin breaks it down:

#1: First, learn to regulate your emotions. In case you didn’t learn this in school (which no one does) your Automatic Nervous System (ANS) is responsible for shaping your entire reality. The motherboard is at the base of your neck and runs its program through your vagal nerve, its roots branching out like a tree to your organs, muscles, fascia — whatever can gather data on how you feel about a hug or critical tone. The system’s primary objective is to determine if you are safe, and will automate you into a reaction if don’t feel safe. Baldwin has some great courses here.

#2: Figure out your attachment style. There are four: Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, or Disorganized (which is a mix of Anxious and Avoidant). This means how you operate with people — are you worried they will leave you? Or do you push them away? Maybe you have a healthy state of independence and connection. Figure it out, because it’s how you behave not just with people, but with money and time.

#3: Work with your Parts. Parts represent detached pieces of ourselves that experienced and hold massive overwhelm in the form of fear, shame, rejection, sadness. A coaching/therapy strategy like Internal Family Systems (IFS) teaches you how to “talk” to these Parts in order to stop ignoring them and instead integrate them. Here’s more information at psychologist Richard Schwartz’s website.

#4: Create boundaries. If you can identity when Fear of Other People’s Opinions (FOPO) shows up in any personal or professional situation, you can make more sound decision on what feels safe and right for you. You cannot control what others think about you no matter how hard you try — this is possibly the most liberating realization you’ll ever experience. Stop the FOPO and be courageous even if others don't like it.

#5: Discover your purpose. This is where joy lies, and it can be discovered in your current job or career, family, friends and strangers. What is it that you love? What is it that you want? Where do you feel time pass due to being in a state of flow? Many experience its presence by helping others in some way, and that is a great place to start.

But this $11 million budget movie went on to gross $775.4 million. And I am currently staring down at fruits of his labor known as Skywalker Ranch, taking a hike on a public trail in hopes to get close enough to reignite my own creative spark.

If Lucas can span himself from doubt to belief, you have to ask yourself, Why Not Me? Three simple things you can do to move through feelings of doubt in this moment:

Change your surroundings. I’m working on a novel that feels standstill because the inspiration part feels over and it’s time to get really technical. I was reminded of breaking out of my writing spot from one of my fitness clients who is a trained pianist — he let me know the greats go visit different places to write their masterpieces. A trail, coffee shop or different window to look out of will do.

Tweak your timeline. Do not expect your dreams and goals to function on a 365 day timeline. Aim for a 250-day program where you are given 115 days off. This factors in how much of a role your Automatic Nervous System (ANS) plays with progress — it will not allow you to be in a situation you do not feel safe or ready for (I get it now why so many lottery winners go broke: their inner system were not ready for such overnight change). In other words, create space for slow and steady adaptation because that is what gets you to “do” and also not undo.

Let the doubter speak. Pulling from Internal Family Systems (IFS), a type of cognitive therapy/coaching, locate the Part that has fears about your purpose. Allow it the Part to vent while you remain an observer to its feelings. Don’t take what the Part says personally; it has been with you for a very long time and you need to stop dealing with it by fighting it, fleeing from it or freezing when it shows up. Be bold and listen, and then thank it. The Part will feel greatly relived and ease up — just enough so that you can ask: Why Not Me?

Jackhammers and hummingbirds, terms coined by author Elizabeth Gilbert, describe two different approaches to tackling work. Jackhammers are described as individuals focused on mastering a particular field or skill, while Hummingbirds are seen as possessing a more diverse, explorative flight pattern to figuring out where they will excel.

The science behind why the greatest obstacle to success has nothing to do with failure — it actually has to do with success itself. Meaning if you get to be too good at something, you’ll stop progressing. Experts prevent progress. The next great thing might not happen unless you stop doing the last great thing.

Harvard professor Arthur Brooks advocates for changing your line of work every decade. He went from being a musician to the field of economics only to work for a non-profit before publishing books and settling into the position of a happiness guru at one of the most prestigious colleges. He now visits Buddhist monks once a year to hone in on how to live better. Here are three questions to shake the moss off and get there:

What is it you want. Oprah or a performance coach might ask you this one. Begin by taking a piece of paper and creating three columns. Answer the following: 1) What thoughts am I done with? 2) What are more productive thoughts to this? 3) What thoughts back these productive thoughts up?

Where is this being done. One of my favorite Hindu words is vanaprastha, which refers to your later stage in life (roughly 50-70 years of age) because one is expected to have a midlife shift or a “turn” at this phrase. Denmark and Sweden switch carriers without stigma, as do Brazil and parts of Latin America. More values are placed on, well, values in these countries along with being flexible with the economy.

What is one intention I can follow today. Make one small commitment for today to view your career story through a different set of lens. Do so by leaning into a value-centered word that speaks to you — joy, balance or competition — and write it down on a Post-it as a reminded directions to your next path is written word-for-word inside.

Pioneering sports psychologist Bill Beswick says a significant amount of his work is done in the battlefield of the mind by simply helping people shift from the paralysis they can’t do something to the possibilities they can.

Ground Zero for pulling out of a malaise starts with recovering your breath. It’s a somatic action, which means you are actually doing something to feel better than trying to think your way to better health. It’s seeing the dangling mask that has popped out of the airplane’s overhead compartment and reaching up, grabbing the darn thing and putting it on.

Know these feelings are temporary and will shift. If you can’t be talked into gratitude right now, at least nod your head you know staying in any one particular state for too long doesn’t jive with the nature of evolution. Accept the moment for what it is — just one moment — and that many future ones await. Emotions carry a 90-second electric charge; blame the ego for keeping them around for too long.

Inhale slowly for 5 seconds and exhale slowly for 5 seconds. In Sanskrit, this is called the Ujjayi breath where you are encouraged to create an audible or “ocean” noise with this balanced breath achieved mostly through exhalation and throat constriction. A yoga expert and instructor Jason Crandell is currently running a series on breathing (a practice called pranayama) on the Yoga Land podcast here.

Let this breath become your first sentence. This gem is from Jefferson Fisher, trial lawyer and author of The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More who sounds like he takes on more than his fair share of nasty personalities and intense situations. Here’s how he recommends handling difficult people who trigger you in his recent interview on the Mel Robbins Podcast.

A better breath makes room for life force. We are not taking a breath because we need oxygen as much as we need to experience a release of carbon dioxide. Think about it — how can we make room for anything useful if we are hanging onto something that can become toxic and interfere with all our vital functions. If we allow the breath to flux, we improve our Heart Rate Variability (HRV) which helps regulate our nervous system, sleep cycles, and neurotransmitter production.

Shitty thoughts are just a few breaths away if you’re willing to do a simple exercise to exchange them.

Activities that ignite flow typically derive from using the parts of our brain that tap into creative intelligence — writing, movement, puzzles, music and gardening are a few. It’s whatever allows your nervous system to feel safe enough to ride alpha waves into a trance that feels relaxed and free, inspired and full of possibilities.

Of course its a bit subjective what gets you there, but you get the idea. It’s a place we all crave to be, which is engaging with life force.

We just have to get through this side of pain and discomfort in the form of excuses and avoidance: the low energy, lack of time, and way too many demands or responsibilities that seem to put what we really want last so much so we develop a habit of it.

Treat flow like there is no option other than to make time for it. Favor ten minutes over none, as it is something to work with and work off. Everyday you only get so many waking hours, so spend your time on yourself first before it gets all used up on others.

Realize flow can and will fly away from you like a magical yet uninterested bird. I learned this one from Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Big Magic: Ideas will stop coming to you and fly away to some other writer, musician, or artist if you aren't going to put them to use. The muse gets bored when you don’t appreciate its gifts.

Do not try to calculate what you might get out of flow before engaging with it. We often way the benefits of an outcome to the point of rationalizing we won’t get enough out of it Part of the beauty and contract of flow is that you won't know what you will get from it unless you have the gall to dabble in it.

Flow is the substance that leads to mastery. It doesn’t matter what you want to master — writing a novel, regulating your nervous system, making an important personal decision — you get into flow and you get into answers. And those answers lead you to your best self and your destiny. It’s no mistake flow calls for you to work with it.

Think of chocolate. You can have a much bigger bar than someone else, but you both only get the same amount of dopamine no matter how much you shove in your mouths.

Galloway here on Substack uses a financial term to describe this: Diminish Marginal Utility. Yes, that’s a big term for me too. It basically means the more you have of something, the less benefit you derive from it on a per unit basis.

You can only shift thoughts and feelings about the car you drive, where you live, your bank account and the sugar on your tongue if your focus is trained to savor what you are currently enjoying about it. And we haven’t even factored in genetics which determine up to 50 percent of our pre-disposition with happiness. Sorting out the mess between money and happiness starts with some simple practices and conclusions:

Focus on your relationships. I recently listened to a strange yet ingenious approach to understanding money’s purpose written by a medium. Titled Love Money, Money Loves You: A Conversation with the Energy of Money you’ll feel as if you are in a therapy session with this important, life-long partner — yes, money — as it tells you how it really feels about your interactions with it. It lent an entirely different perspective than the script Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman keep running that serves only those in a position to benefit from their pragmatic advice and that frankly lacks wellbeing depth.

Hone in on your gratitude practice. Happiness is largely built through a mindset of celebrating what is working rather than counting off what isn’t. To generate a more energizing frequency and pull your soul out of freeze-flee-fight modes that come with financial pressure, create a list of all the things that are working as gratefulness is fuel. We are powerful storytellers, and while events and situations and even numbers matter, in the words of Galloway our immediate perception of them is often exaggerated, reactive and emotional.

If chocolate doesn't do it for you, try on his own analogy object: Money is the ink in the pen but is not what writes the story. You write it.